Announcing My Candidacy for the PA Municipal Elections

On October 8, 2016, the Palestinian Authority expect to be holding municipal elections. These elections are being held  for Palestinians to elect local councils for PA villages, towns and cities. Among some of their responsibilities, these councils oversee the electricity and water to the PA areas that are supplied by Israel. There are a total of 416 local councils throughout Judea, Samaria and Gaza. The two main factions who will be running in these elections are, of course, the PA/Fatah and Hamas.

I watch from the sidelines, as any other Israeli, and await what form of government and/or chaos will sprout forth from these elections. However, I asked myself this morning: Why do I need to sit in the sidelines? I look at our Knesset and see eleven parliamentarians who are  Arab and among them is one who has built for herself a very successful career in her position. Haneen Zoabi has been vilified and raked over the coals on numerous occasions; calls for her expulsion from the Knesset come on a daily basis.

And yet, the fact that even she can “serve” in the Knesset has shown and proven to the world that indeed Israel is a true democracy. She not only works in the Knesset but earns a hefty salary, has a car and a staff all paid for by Israeli citizens. Where else in the world could a sitting member of parliament be able to rail against the very State to which she has sworn allegiance, call its military Nazis, actively work to destroy the country both politically and economically…all the while earning a salary for this! What a country! What a democracy….!

In that spirit, and using the Zoabi model, I wish to take a bold step: I hereby announce my candidacy for the PA Municipal Elections. I understand that this comes with a heavy responsibility. And, in order to make sure my constituents have a full grasp on what my qualifications are and what my platform is, allow me to lay out my qualifications  and my platform with post-election plans, as I sit in the PA Municipal Council.

QUALIFICATIONS:

I have lived my whole life in democratic countries and, as such, I am quite qualified to explain to the Arab parties what this concept truly means. As a former pulpit rabbi of a community, where I helped arbitrate and negotiate between members of our community, I gained many skills that will be useful in the Council. Although no community member ever tried to stab another one where I come from, as happens among Arab clans, I still believe my longstanding career in mediation will assist me in  many areas, especially family/clan issues.

PLATFORM

  1. Both the political and military parties of Hamas will be outlawed and disbanded. Those who wish to relinquish their vows of annihilation of the State of Israel will be permitted to remain in their locations, subject to surprise inspections (and I don’t mean giving 24 days notice …or whatever the US  agreed to give Iran!). Any infraction will come with a mandatory penalty of expulsion to a neighboring Arab state. The ticket will be paid for by the PA and it will be ONE WAY, non-refundable and  non-cancelable
  2. All monies received from any donors to the PA will be channeled through a newly established bank which will be overseen by Israel and Micronesia (They deserve our respect, given their support of Israel). All monies will be disbursed by this bank to registered companies in the PA who are licensed to build schools, hospitals, roadways and any form of public works. Any other construction and any other use of monies will be at the discretion of the Board of Directors of this bank.All cement used must be recorded and accounted for and if supplies are diverted (as they have been in the past to build Hamas terror tunnels), those involved will be deported – and, yes, that one way ticket deal will be implemented.
  3. The entire areas under PA Council rule will be demilitarized–no guns, no knives over certain length, etc
  4. If the elections are actually held in October, all school text books will be confiscated and if there is no other choice, they will have to use Israeli text books until they are able to print their own which, like the Israeli textbooks, focus on positive messages for children, honor, life, etc. Any books which refer to the destruction of Israel or harbor any subversive content will be destroyed. All new books will be printed in time for the opening of a new school year, or as close as possible to it. The Core Curriculum will be mandatory in all schools. It would be irresponsible for a government not to require its citizens to be literate.
  5. All areas under PA control will be required to manufacture their own electricity and cover all of the expenses internally, thereby releasing their dependence on “foreign” (read: Israel) providers. After all, there is no place like Ohm.
  6. All tunnels are to be kept OPEN with the following provisos: All exits that reach to the border between Gaza and Israel must be sealed (subject to inspection by Israel). All tunnels are to be mapped out and extended. They are then to be connected to form an underground transportation system. While some businesses and quiet residential areas will undergo some turmoil, it will be worth it in the long run (Please consult with businesses an residents near Emek Refaim in Israel).
  7. The entire culture of hate (beginning with the mother’s milk) will be eradicated. Any offense will carry with it a mandatory 10 year jail term, no matter the age of the offender. This will have a ZERO tolerance approach. It will be known as  The Erdogan Law.

This is merely a partial list of my platform. I seek to improve the lives of those living under harsh rule which can get much worse depending on who wins the Municipal elections. After all, the happier the citizens of the PA are the less they will be focused on murdering Israelis.

So, MK Haneen Zoabi, thank you for the brilliant idea! Infiltrate your enemy in legal and legitimate means and try to get your tasks done that way. You are the guiding light here, and for that I thank you.

I still need a name of my political party. Please feel free to comment with a suggestion of a name. The winner will be treated to a night in the Five Star “Tunnel Vision”  in downtown Rammalah…breakfast included.

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6 thoughts on “Announcing My Candidacy for the PA Municipal Elections

  1. Great as usual. Just one thing. Did you know that of all the Muslim countries/entities in the world, the Arabs under PA/Hamas control are the most literate? This is thanks to Israel putting in mandatory education through high school for ALL citizens, plus building centers for higher education in Judea and Samaria for the Arabs (between 1967-1994)/ Keep up the great work!

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